Venting - As Controversial As It Will Get

People have said (I think they were joking), you need to make your blog more controversial, then more people would read it. There are many reasons why I don't. One is that I would get in trouble at world headquarters (I understand why). Another is that, believe it or not, I am just not that type of person. I am not in peoples' grill every day. I am capable, I have done it in the past, but day in day out, that is not who I am. When I do it, I lose ground most every time.

Today, through, I am going to address an increasing epidemic that may make this my most controversial entry ever (post #94). Another reason I don't call people out on my blog is that it is absolutely gutless. Using public media to act really smart about other peoples' lives and intentions shows no courage.

In fact, if you are criticising people without first attempting to address them, privately, then you are not following the book (Matt. 18) we preach and argue so passionately about. Get a spine and go to the people you are so bothered by. At least attempt to see them. Do you care enough to personally confront? Not only does that show a commitment to Biblical values, but there is an outside shot you might be right. Then, you are doing the compassionate thing, too.

We defend the Bible like rabid dogs, yet seldom live it. Particularly the hard parts. The parts that take courage to follow. Hey, I understand. Been there, done that. And will do it again.

God help us to be more personally accountable for our own behavior. It is not them, they need to, why do they? . . . Instead it should be, we, us, our, me. The QBQ. How will I live? Behave? Treat my family? Serve God in my church? Make a difference in the lives of my neighbors? You see, when it comes to personal accountability, it is ALL ABOUT ME.

Great visit to Camden yesterday to one of my new favorite spots (they need wireless - wait that was gutless, I will talk to them face to face), Carolina Cafe. Bill Drees, DoM in Kershaw County gets it, bottom line. Great coaching conversation and other stuff from world headquarters. Off to hang out with movement makers again today. Finished Spidey III last night. Enjoying Transformation by Bob Roberts, a last minute add in to the bag. Also, the novel, A Pagan's Nightmare. Funny book but the plot is taking too much time to develop. Opps, sorry, I need to tell that to Ray Blackston, the author. He lives in Greenville.

Raising the Bar. . . Final

13) The list could go on and on . . . but I can't close the book until I mention small groups. My first two groups were Sunday School and Pee Wee baseball back in the 60's. Groups are powerful. Groups are like families. In groups you do life together, good and bad. Also, groups often see you act beyond your roles.

My family group experience at Willow Ridge has raised my bar because we talk about real life. What are the kids doing? Who is going to bring the mac and cheese next week? How was your week? What did you learn from this morning's sermon? Did I even listen to this morning's sermon? I spent over two years in a men's group where we did everything from the MasterLife Discipleship course, to wrestle with the hardest questions we could think of.

A new group for me is the Sons of Italy, an organization with the purpose of preserving Italian culture. I am on the School Improvement Committee at Abby's school. I spent many years as part of an A.A. group in New Orleans. In A.A. we talked about everything from Jesus, to flying saucers, to Jesus in flying saucers. All these groups raised my bar in some way. All of them made me uncomfortable, in a healthy way, for some reason.

No matter the agenda of the group you are in plain view of people. When you are on your own you can drive the agenda. With groups, driving the agenda is not as easy. Protecting yourself is not as easy. Your accountability bar is raised . . . Playing for Pizza tomorrow.

What a weekend! When I pull for the other team the winning percentage of my real teams has raised(66%). So, I am pulling for the Gamecocks and the Jaguars (10/28) next weekend. The relevance of my 2007 football season is hanging by a thread. Carowinds was fun. I did Top Gun (roller coaster) twice in a row with Anna. I am thinking I might retire from coasters.

Heard Ruppe and Dustin preach. Two great young communicators. Chris had a strong word on self-awareness from Ps 139. Dustin addressed baptism, in preparation for the big baptism thing next week at The Coop. In Columbia today working on Cypress Project material. I'll keep you posted.

Raise Your Own Bar (10-12) Sir, What do You Think?

Preacher legend tells about a salesman's shocking experience. While going door-to-door one day, he was greeted by an eight-year-old boy. A large, smoltering, Cuban cigar was hanging out of boy's mouth. The salesman asked, Is your mother home? The little boy pulled the cigar out of his mouth, tapped the ashes on the carpet, and asked, Sir, what do you think?

Lets see, where was I? Oh yeah, personal accountability. How to raise your own bar.

10) Have Ongoing Conversations with People from Your Past. The miracles (I date myself here) of unlimited nights and weekends along with email leaves no excuse for not staying connected with a treasured few from the good old days. Why? Because they know you beyond your current roles. Most people around you value you for what you do. If you are pretty good at what you do, you are a great person. People from your past know you for who you are. They know what you stink at, because they have seen you in various roles over a span of time.

11) Read. Almost anything. Reading is an ongoing conversation with an outside voice. Don't waste all your reading time with books that tell you what you want to hear. Some of your most valuable reading will be from people or about people you do not agree with. Ten Eternal Questions by Zoe Sallis, is a good place to start. The book features people from Jack Nicholson to Bono, who answer questions about eternity.

12) Hang Out with People Not Like You. A man who spends all his time with people who thinks, acts, and lives like he does is a coward. He is under challenged and not accountable for his thoughts about God and life. I feel lonely, at times, out in the real world with normal people. It remains, however, the place where God wants me and one of my most important positions of Kingdom influence. New topic Monday.

Talk about you movement makers, I forgot to mention Wednesday night's meeting with a group of a dozen high achieving Asian -Indians, who, will plant a church in Columbia. We heard their stories, one by one. These, strong in the Lord, missionaries will swim hard and fast to save those who are drowning. They have a passion to reach the world. Coaching was on my agenda yesterday, along with a great visit with Carl Martin, Ken Lewis and the Savannah River movement makers in Bluffton. Incredible! Had my favorite salad in the world at Cheeburger, Cheeburger in Bluffton.

My weekend will include deacons is White Oak, family in Carowinds, North Rock Hill Church, Midtown, and football! Roll Tide!!! Go Dirty Birds!!! I will keep you posted.

Raise Your Own Bar III (9)

9. Go see a Doctor. My doctor, Dr. Amajad Abdulrahman, is my friend. We talk about things other than health. I avoided doctors for years. Probably for the same reason normal people avoid preachers. I know what a doctor will rant about, I am not ready to change, so I don't want to hear it.

I saw Dr. Rahman yesterday. He was easy on the insults this time. He went over details of my blood work with great care. He told me I had a pretty severe Vitamin D deficiency. Off to Web MD etc. to find out how long I have to live. Not long.

I do get to experience what a megadose of Vitamin D is like. What a hassle. I really want ask Dr. Rahman to sit on that tall table and ask, What about you, Dr. Rahman? How is your Vitamin D? You are a wreck. Problem is he really does live what he believes. He is in great shape. He cares. He has no agenda but me.

He thought out loud while I was in his office about two years ago. I wonder how much nursing home care will cost when you need one? He also thought out loud when he said, I wonder what you could do with the money you are currently spending on blood pressure and cholesterol medication?

When I decided to go back to a doctor five years ago, I was a physical, emotional, and spiritual wreck. BTW, it is amazing how all those are tied together. Raise your own bar. See a doctor, regularly. Listen to him/her. I have never seen a doctor who did not have my best interest at heart . . . and who did not make me accountable for the insane choices I was making.

I also had a great conversation with my coach, and others in Columbia yesterday. More coaching today and off to Bluffton, S.C. More to raise your bar tomorrow and a report on the movement makers.

Raise Your Own Bar II (5-8)

Continuing yesterday's list on becoming more accountable . . . remember, you can't implement all, pick two or three

5) See a Counselor. no kidding. I have. I will in the future. Everyone reading this probably needs to go to a professional counselor in the next 30 days. Hearing myself talk to a counselor, who, does not know me, exposes my thinking to an outside set of eyes/ears.

6) Begin Blogging. Blogging (http://www.blogspot.com/) costs nothing. If no one reads your blog, or your blog stinks, you still need to process. Blogging, to me, is doing life with other people. A web log also keeps you in a journaling mode.

7) Read the Bible. I had to throw in another Sunday School answer. I am an alum, you know. The Bible annoys me like no other book I have ever read. I often feel like I am looking into a mirror. Go figure (James 1:22-24).

8) Hang Out with Your Wife and Kids. They do not know you, but they know you better than any other human being. People who know you less think you are much better, smarter, and godlier than you are. Your passion to be with other people may not be as God-motivated as you think. We spend more time with people who think we are heroes.

Discovered Carolina Cafe in Camden, S.C. yesterday. Got a ticket for parking too long in the same place. Made an appeal, the Camden police were amused, and took my money anyway.

Enjoyed time with movement makers including Bryan Plyler, pastor/planter of The River. Some of my most favorite people are part of that church. What a great story of life change!

Today, I get to see my doctor. Talk about your accountability. He has been insulting me for almost three years. We (my insurance company and I) pay him to do it. I will report his latest rant tomorrow. I will also have a conversation with my coach. Wow. Talk about feeling naked.

Raise Your Own Bar (1-4)

Personal accountability . . . I am not sure how good I am at that. Yesterday (No 'I' in Team) Miller said p.a. is the key to team health. Could it also be a key to God's Kingdom? The next few days I will present food for thought . . . ways to raise your own bar. You can't possibly implement all of the ideas. Pick a few that jump out at you. Begin raising your own bar.

1. Ask Yourself Hard Questions and Answer Them. Get and Life and Practicing Greatness, by Reggie McNeal, are tough question books. Great questions are everywhere. Make your own short list. The highest performing leaders are self-coached. They feel a high sense of accountability to themselves and God.

2. Pray. That's right, no Sunday School answer here. Blackaby, in his book, Experiencing the Prayer Life of Jesus, said: Jesus entered prayer with goldy fear and reverent submission toward God's will - a sense of 'divine accountability' . . . never thought of prayer as my personal accountability talk with God.

3. Get a Coach. God has used coaching to increase my accountability factor from a 2 to a 6 (1-10 scale). We all need mentors and sages in our lives. A coach helps us work through obstacles and overcome foggy areas.

4. Play with Players Better Than You. My Uncle Harold told me this about pick up basketball when I was a kid. People who are taking areas of their lives to higher levels make me uncomfortable. They also stretch me, make me think, and show me what God can do. Find them and eat lunch with them, with eyes and ears wide open. More tomorrow (5-8).

Columbia yesterday. Hanging out on Stonebridge (World Headquarters of the South Carolina Baptist Convention) with people who care about the Kingdom . . . Camden today.

No 'I' in Team . . . A Myth?

John G. Miller, business consultant and author of the book QBQ! The Question Behind The Question said:

There's a misbelief, a myth, that there is no 'I' in team . . . that is so wrong. Every team is full of 'I's and when the 'I's start taking care of themselves, the team wins(Dallas Morning News 2/4/04).

Still on the topic of personal accountability . . . When I stumbled over Miller's ideas when Googling accountability, it made me uncomfortable. Accountability is a systems issue, I am learning. To some degree, we either get it, or we don't. We like accountability, or we don't.

I have bragged, Ask me questions, that only makes me look good. Did some throw up come to the back of your throat when your read that? Sorry, Thinking Out Loud can get ugly. Just trying to be accountable :). Truth is, what I should say is, Ask me questions in the areas where I would like you to ask me questions, that only makes me look good. Please don't confuse that with, Ask me anything.

For the next few days I will talk about raising your own bar. The idea is that you and I must volunteer to be accountable. No one will make us. And remember, when we choose to be accountable, the team wins.

Great weekend. Went to Family Life, with Greg Abrams. I love God's fingerprint on Lakepoint in Lexington. Enjoyed a run to the club (Sam's) to keep America's economy moving forward. Vols and Saints won! Not that I pull for either team anymore, because when I do they lose. In Columbia today with movement makers. Will report on that tomorrow.

Where Are You? Part III - Secret Places

What does it really mean to be accountable to God? How can that help me along the journey? Am I accountable to God simply because I say I am? Am I accountable to God because He is Boss of the universe . . . King, Lord, Master?? Is it impossible to be not accountable to the one who knows what time I got out of bed this morning (5:20 a.m.)? And what time I went to bed last night (10:00 p.m)?

Accountability has multiple layers. One layer is, I am accountable to God, I will answer to Him for every action, one day. Another layer is, I answer to some people in my life, no matter if they ask or care. For example, Yvette, Anna, Abby . . . what I do affects them, even though they don't yell at me and they trust me completely. That circle of influence is much wider than I would like to believe, but those closest to me are most influenced by how I behave.

The third layer, however, is the ultimate, because it influences the other two. Day to day, God is watching me. It is in my best interest and the interest of those around me, to behave in line with He thinks. This layer goes deep into my secret places. In my life, there are tightly guarded spots that I never volunteer to show. Secret places can destroy me. How can I let Jesus into those places?

Every devastating scandal, Ted Haggard, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Baker, Michael Vick, Bill Clinton and billions more, started with a secret. An underestimated cost, moments of insanity, a memory lapse, that what I do is being watched by God and countless others. What is your secret? More Monday.

Weekends and holidays . . . football, Boo at the Zoo, Sam's Club, and one final coat of paint.Yesterday in the upstate with Neal thinking about landscaping . . . always great. Larry and Dwight couldn't make it. Bummer.

Where Are You? Part II: The Santa Affect

My personal accountability to God is supposed to be a really big deal. If you were in a God environment as a child, one of the first things you learned was, God is watching you. I am not sure if that came before or after the Santa thing for me. I learned Santa watched too, and short term that could mean even more trouble. I felt a little over matched. A tag team glared over my shoulder on a given day, neither of whom were really concerned about a kid's privacy.

Santa quit watching me sometime around the age of five (I think). He threw his hands in the air when I (accidently) dropped a heavy wooden object on my sister's head. Glad to get that accountability relationship off my back.

God still watches. I am not sure He is overly entertained either. One option for me is to adjust what I am doing to become more in line with I think He wants. Another option is to some how put the fact that he is watching out of my mind (like I did years ago with Santa). A third option is to hope He stops watching.

The QBQ (question behind the question) is how can I, and the people around me, enjoy the benefit of my accountability to God? There is a benefit, right? Is there an upside to my accountability to God? Remember, I am thinking out loud here. More tomorrow.

Yesterday I was in Charleston with movement makers at Charleston Southern University. The Midtown crew, Clark Carter, Dr. Rick Brewer, and students who will change the world were all in the room. Great conversation with Ronny Byrd. Today I am in the Upstate with Neal McGlohon, Larry Bateman, and Dwight Huffman from Canada. My uncle used to tell me, play basketball in pick up games with people who are better than you. They will force you to raise your game.